Trust is valuable — built over time but lost in an instant. The good news: you can accelerate it. The key insight is that trust is gained by giving it away, and it starts with how you conduct conversations.

Step 1: Show Respect

Open with an opinion question — “What do you think about…?” or “What’s your opinion on…?” — and then actively listen with empathy. When someone shares their opinion honestly, they’re being vulnerable. Your body language and attentiveness signal whether they can trust you with that vulnerability.

Step 2: Create Safety

Affirm their response before you react. This doesn’t mean you agree — it means you validate the legitimacy of their viewpoint. Phrases like “I appreciate your perspective” or “That sounds very reasonable” create psychological safety and signal that sharing with you won’t lead to ridicule.

Step 3: Show Deeper Interest

Ask a genuine follow-up question — one that digs into something specific they just said. This step is the most important: a Harvard study led by Karen Huang (using a speed-dating format) found that people who used this three-step process were rated highest for authentic connection. The follow-up question can’t be pre-loaded; it only works if you actually listened in Step 2.